Recognizing Guilt and Why it Holds You Back From What You Want To Do
Let’s talk about guilt? It’s not a great feeling, is it? By definition, guilt is feeling of deserving blame for something. Often it’s a good check mechanism and a state of mind that we want to avoid. It moves us to action and gets us to do “the right thing”. Think back on your student days. Not doing your homework and lying about it made you feel guilty. That in turn ensured that you turned in your homework the next day and kept doing it going forward. Not a bad thing for your academic career.
But sometimes guilt can be a bad thing and something that holds us back from achieving the things we want out of life. We feel guilty about spending time and money on growing a side business. We take away precious time from our loved ones to attend a live event. We don’t get to tuck the kids in at night because we’re going back to school. It’s easy to fall into the guilt trap even when we know what we’re doing is important and worthwhile.
In short, like so many other things in live, guilt can be a positive thing, something that motivates you and gets you to work towards your goals and things you want to get done, or it can be the thing that’s holding you back. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to your feelings of guilt and ask yourself if it’s productive or if it’s holding you back.
If you feel bad about missing dinner with the family, you’re not going to be fully present and committed in that client meeting or the class you’re taking. The guilt you’re feeling is keeping you from committing fully and giving it your all. It’s also taking a lot of the joy out of whatever it is you are doing. This may not seem like a big deal at first glance, but it takes a lot of the positive energy and drive out of your sails. It’s that energy that makes you push a little harder, try a little longer, and do all the little, seemingly insignificant things that make all the difference in the end.
The guilt also gives you an easy excuse to give up. Life isn’t easy and any goal worth reaching takes work and effort. Sometimes it’s easier to give up than to keep pushing hard, solve problems, or resolve conflicts we’d rather avoid. That guilty feeling may be just the excuse you were looking for to justify giving up. By addressing these feelings of guilt and working through them, you can greatly improve your chances of reaching those goals and crafting the life you really want for yourself and your loved ones.
First Step… Find The Guilt
It’s obvious, isn’t it? If you don’t know exactly what you feel guilty about, you can’t come up with a plan to work through it and let go of that guilt. Of course that’s easier said than done.
It’s important that you’re committed to discovering what’s holding you back and what you may be feeling guilty about. It’s important that you’re brutally honest with yourself. It’s not going to be easy. It is however going to be helpful, eye-opening, and very productive.
Take Time For Self-Reflection
Start by giving yourself some time to think. We live in a loud and busy world that’s full of distractions. It’s hard to hear yourself think sometimes, isn’t it? It’s also easier to stay busy and keep plugging away than it is to stop and take some time to reflect. Find a quiet place, get comfortable and let your mind wander. Start to think about what you want to accomplish. Take a look at what’s holding you back. What thoughts or tasks start to make you feel uncomfortable when you think about them? What part of the journey gets your stomach in a tight knot? What is causing doubt to creep in? Pay attention to all of it and see if you can start to pinpoint this feeling of guilt and where it may be coming from.
A journal is an excellent tool in this process. Grab a notebook, open up your word processor, or get a new journal and start to write your thoughts down. Putting it on paper can be very clarifying. It forces you to focus and organize your thought processes. It also gives you something to come back to and read later in the day or a bit down the road. This reading of your thoughts and what’s going on in your head can help you discover underlying causes as you “read between the lines”. It’s important to realize that this will be an ongoing process. New feelings of guilt will pop up from time to time. Be on the lookout for them so you can address them right away. Again, journaling is a great tool for this. At the very least, be aware and listen to your mind and thoughts going forward.